Roenick Thinks the New Sharks Logo is Sick

by Ryan

Roger Clemens, Michael Jordan, and many others have already made press conferences pointless with their retiring and un-retiring. Now we have Jeremy Roenick to thank for ruining text message news.

Seriously, the man announced his retirement via text message to a reporter from the Philadelphia Inquirer; and now he takes it back. Verizon is going to be pissed, man. Say goodbye to your free VCAST package.

A move to San Jose is great for us all, really. Unfortunately when the winds shift we will hear still him screaming about something, but just like the buzz of high tension wires we will learn to ignore it. Plus the surf scene in San Jose will provide him with an ample supply of board wax for his luscious hair.

I'm not so sure that this isn't a desperate attempt to get 500 goals, but based on his stats last year (11 goals in 70 games), well, it certainly is a desperate attempt to get 500 goals.

Being the 5th scorer on the Coyotes is one thing, but this Sharks team is a whole other story. I doubt he will see much higher than the 3rd line, and never see a second of power play time. (This is a team with Thornton and Marleau on it, mind you.)

In any event, expect a Myspace message from Jeremy next spring when he decides to hang up the skates and assault our ears as a studio analyst. I can't wait.

Say It Ain't So, Marv!

by Ryan


A text message from Marv Levy just gave me some heartbreaking news: first cuts were today.

I thought I had another day to relish the glory that is dead roster weight, but Marv had to pull the rug out early.

While the release says the most surprising move was cutting Morgan, I was shocked to see D.J Fitzpatrick go. First of all, who cuts a K/P combo like that? Sure, he couldn't put a kickoff or punt past the 15, but he can do both half decently. I think that makes up for it.

Besides, he had the best tackle of the game on Friday. Why not retain him for his ability to make shoestring tackles to save touchdowns? Forget keeping him for special teams, put him at corner and let him loose. The way preseason has looked we are going to need a lot of shoestring tackles to keep the score under 40 this year.

This is a serious blow to me personally. D.J was the first person I could call "Fitzy" since our write in friend Rory straddled the puck in Game 7 of the ECF against the 'Canes. I'm not about to call my punter "Mormy" anytime soon, and Rian Lindell's parents already screwed his first name up enough.

Just a depressing day in sports for us all.

Oh, and Michael Vick yaddayaddayaddaoveranalyzetress regurgitatemurderprisonrapejokeetcetera.

Glad we have that covered.