Secret Santa: Bill Belichick

by Ryan

Today's gift isn't from us, but is still quite nice. I mean, who doesn't love fatty fruit dip?

That's right Bill! A secret admirer has made a nice bowl of guacamole for you. He even added a special ingredient to the mix. (Don't worry, it's all natural)

Eat up, Bill. You're going to need your strength for the big game tonight.

What's that? Oh, the kind soul who prepared your delightful little dish? No one important...

"There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt."

Top 10 Worst Sports Halloween Costumes

By Chris

So you're a sports fan. And chances are you're going to a Halloween party but haven't put much thought into what you're going to dress as. You're best bet is to go as someone in the wide world of sports because that's what you're into. But what's original? I know I'm still struggling to find a good costume that doesn't involve an old Matt Barnaby jersey.

And while drunk Joe Namath seems too easy, here are other costume ideas that will make you look like an even bigger loser than you already are.

10. O.J. Simpson:
Sooooo 10 years ago. But if you insist, at least make sure you autograph the footballs you're "taking back."










9. Jon Kitna: If you're going to go out praising our Lord and Savior on All Hallows Eve, then make sure you're going with a Bible-touting hot chick who doesn't look anything like Kurt Warner's wife.



8. Jonathan Papelbon:


New Rule- No man should be allowed to perform an Irish jig in 40 degree weather while wearing nothing but compression shorts and UnderArmor. That is unless he can throw a 97 mile-an-hour fastball.


7. Bill Belichick:
It would be easy to throw on a Pats hoodie, carry around a freaking huge video camera and call yourself a cheater. The problem is that New England is so damn good and just doesn't care anymore. Bill would eat you alive if he saw you were poking fun at him. This is for your own safety. You'd probably be better off wearing a bra and calling yourself the Mangenious. Except Mangenious might actually want to eat you.


6. Pokey Chatman:
You might as well go as a former college basketball coach who also happens to be a lesbian if you're going to dress up for Halloween at all, right, guys? I mean, you can still flirt with all the slutty girls, right? Maybe this isn't such a bad costume idea after all. Hmmm....


5. Don Imus:
The Crypt Keeper might actually be a better choice if you're going for the creepy, bony, decaying old guy look. It's essentially the same costume and at least as the Crypt Keeper, you won't be accused of being a racist.







4. Ron Mexico:

I was actually going to do this one. Then I remembered that I can't buy a Vick anymore because Reebok stopped making them. And I don't have any dogs to fight. Or herpes.





3. LeBron James:
Especially if you're a white guy, the Yankees hat-LeBron Jersey will only make you look like a poser. And no one likes posers. Or blackface. Or redface.









2. Kevin Everett: Just not cool. And you'll probably go to hell.




1. Chris Benoit:
When someone first told me that their friend dressed up as the Pegasus Kid, I could only shake my head. It's even worse than dressing up as Eddie Guerrero. I mean paint yourself pale, tie a noose around your neck AND wear tights? That's just taking it a little too far. No one wants to see your junk exposed, especially when you're portraying a 'roided up family killer. And you'll probably go to hell for it, too. Just saying.

Shenanigans

by Ryan


I, as do many rational sports fans, freaking hate the Patriots. It's not much of a stretch. really. They are division rivals, consistently smoking the Bills twice a year. Oh, and they have a few Super Bowl wins in the last decade. Can't forget about those.

Now while they deserve reverence and respect for their success and all that crap, I still hate everything about them. From that freaking space lighthouse to Reche Caldwell's now unemployed googly eyes, rage grips my soul at the very mention of New England's boys. Their smugness kills me. Sometimes I like to imagine Bill Belichick savoring his own farts and contemplating which hybrid car to buy next.

So when I see stories like this I get really pissed off. In fact, I declare shenanigans.

Tom Brady isn't hurt. The only thing that has been hurting him recently is his wallet, which will now hurt him for the next 18 years. However, this does not constitute his placement on the eternal injury report. I mean, the guy's been on the injured list since he gained the starting spot. He's either made of sugarcane or the most self detrimental quarterback of all time.

The thing is, putting him and others on the injury report with slightly sinister motives does nothing. What head coach isn't going to gameplan for Tom Brady no matter how stiff his shoulder is? In all the weeks he has been on that rediculous report, which head coach has gameplanned for Sage Rosenfels, Doug Flutie, or any other second stringer? Does Billy think his word is enough to force Tits McGee over there to break out the Matt Cassel game tape?

Tom Brady's 108 game start streak must really mean something, then. This guy's giving everything he has to even show up in uniform, let alone get out there and throw. His shoulder must look like Pedro's after all those deep balls.

Wait, what about screen passes? Never heard of them.