Forever Young

By Jon

Ed. Note: This column appears in the 9/16 issue of the Albany Student Press, so the style is a bit different then you are used to around these parts. Don't be alarmed...

Vince Young, upset about his lackluster play and recent injury, storms out of his house wielding a gun after mentioning suicide in an earlier therapy session, prompting a four-hour search by police. His concerned mother spouts off to a local newspaper, leading to speculation that the quarterback is battling depression and may be emotionally unstable.

It is a very odd situation, if not completely bizarre. The dramatic elements are better suited for a Hollywood screenplay rather than the front page of the sports section. Journalists across the country were chomping at the bit for the latest news regarding the Young saga, eager to add another chapter to an already juicy story.

Young’s week of hell has provided countless headlines and plenty of message board fodder, but it begs the question: Is this news?

Ever since O.J. and the white Bronco unexpectedly provided a few hours of must-see TV, sports coverage has become more and more concerned with off-the-field incidents rather than the games themselves. Aside from Tom Brady’s injury, the biggest stories in professional football this season have been a soap opera involving a certain over-the-hill quarterback, a man legally changing his name to a pair of Spanish numerals, and now the Young affair.

Young is part of a ever-growing breed: A hybrid of celebrity and athlete; someone whose name you could find on SportsCenter one day and TMZ the next. The pressure of constantly being in the public eye is wearing on him, and the apparent demise of his emotional state is being played out before the eyes of the general public.

Like it or not, this is what the media has become. The average person has become obsessed with the so-called “newsertainment” phenomenon, and the line between a legitimate news story and the latest celebrity gossip is nearly non-existent.

News outlets will print what their readers want to read, and if that story is about a suicidal quarterback on the run with reckless disregard for the privacy of the parties involved, so be it. Does it matter that it was largely personal issue? Is there anyone that would want a situation like that publicized if it were about them? Of course not. But it makes for an entertaining read, and the average reader will devour the drama.

That’s not to say that there weren’t any reportable aspects of Young’s adventure. If the police are called in for a missing-person search it should be reported. However, publishing speculative stories about someone’s depression and suicide talk is nothing more than taking advantage of someone elses unfortunate situation in an effort to gain a few readers.

Sorry, Vince. Your business is now everyone’s business.

Word Count Is Important.

by Ryan



That picture is stolen.

I didn't photograph the bottom of the Aud's jumbotron, and I found it on the series of tubes, so it is stolen. However, I'm not making any money off of it, and I didn't photoshop a penis onto it, so I'd like to think I'm not doing anything awful by posting it here.

However, I may have to be a bit more careful with what we put in this space according to this from Kuklas Korner.



See what I did there? That's what you are supposed to do when you use information on the Internet. First you show where you got it from, then you use it to your discretion. If I posted an entire AP recap in this space, it would probably not sit well with them, right?

Well, now only four words sit well with them, and if I go over that it's $7.50. Hey, that's non-profit price, too; you should see how much it costs when you want to make a living.

So what should we do now? I've been stealing AP pictures for months without permission and nothing has happened. What happens when I quote something and I don't pay? Will they come at me with a suit? Will the po-po be knocking on my door?

Well, I don't want to find out, so from now on we will stick to within the limits the AP gives us. Let's give it a try.

Here's an interesting piece on the NHL's transfer agreement expiring with the IIHF:

The National Hockey League

How about this article on the Hall of Fame inductees:

The induction ceremony will

Finally, what about this article about Ryan Suter's new contract:

“To your new contract,”

Well I feel very informed after skimming those over. I really got a feel for what the story is trying to tell me, and if I'm interested in what it has to say, I think I just may click through that link to read the rest. After all, you can't just paraphrase it and not link at all, that would be wrong.

Hrm, that may not work as well as I hoped. I guess I'll have to keep on keepin' on and see what happens. So in closing, we here in the Goose's Roost have a message for the Associated Press, and they can feel free to quote us. In fact, we can do it within the four words they require:

Come and get us.

0-2, 2 K

by Rich

I know hating on the Four-Letter is as fashionable in the blogosphere as Ed Hardy graphic tees and living in your mother's basement, but I have to take the bait once in a while. Anyone else notice how hard the Bristol hype machine has been whiffing lately? Granted, they've been known to jump the gun a little bit in the past; anyone remember that segment they ran on every SportsCenter for two or three weeks before the Vince Young Rose Bowl where they repeatedly compared that year's USC team to great historical teams to somehow determine that those Trojans were indeed the "best college football team ever assembled" and then they lost to the Longhorns? (I've always wondered, does that mean that ESPN now believes the 2006 Texas Longhorns were the best college football team of all time because they beat USC?)

Seriously though, look at the hype that's been thrown at us lately and then look at what has actually unfolded. Big Brown was crowned, anointed, and damn near canonized as The Next Triple Crown Winner during the lag time between the Preakness and Belmont. They even sent Rick Riley out to Belmont in a brown suit, for God's sake. At several points during the pre-race broadcast, the on-air talking heads claimed that the race was "as close to a foregone conclusion as any I've ever seen." (and that's a paraphrase, Mr. Bissinger; I know you're reading anything concerning our equine friends)

So what happens? Big Brown turns in a worse lap time than an actual big, brown UPS truck would have and becomes the first ever Triple Crown hopeful to finish dead last at Belmont. Don't worry, I'm not about to question the horse's heart or desire or grit or hustle or any of those attributes normally used to describe David Eckstein. I know, I know, horses are people too and how dare I question anything about these warriors who sacrifice themselves for glory and victory...I mean these poor downtrodden, abused animals who have been systematically victimized from birth...wait, never mind. None of the above. It's a horse running on a track. Still, there hasn't been any kind of physical reason given for what happened at Belmont; seems like Big Brown just wasn't trying to run hard that day. I'd like to think he was just sticking it to ESPN, saying "that's what you get for trying to impart all this human drama and hype onto me."

As entertaining as it was watching talking heads stumble over themselves trying to explain how a large land mammal managed to lay an egg, I actually enjoyed the Worldwide Leader's Euro 2008 gaffe even more. ESPN is trying to push European soccer on us pretty hard lately (which I'm totally fine with; I don't watch MLS soccer for the same reason I don't watch double-A baseball), and their lead ad for the Euro 2008 tournament was based around the theme "If winning is an art, Italians are the masters."

So what happens in the second match of the tournament? Italy gets stomped on 3-0 by the Dutch. Not only was it the first victory against Italy for the Netherlands in 30 years, but it was also the worst loss Italy has ever suffered in European competition. Believe me, I enjoyed every schadenfreude-rich moment of it. Maybe it's a peculiarity of the region, or maybe I just know a lot of annoying people, but it really bothered me how many "Italians" in western New York flipped out when Italy won the World Cup a couple summers ago. Something just bothers me about people who are third and fourth-generation Americans, who have never been to Italy, and whose knowledge of the language is limited to Forza Azzurri jumping ship on their nation in favor of a place they've never been just because they're good at soccer. So for all the bandwagon-jumpers, this is your sign to jump off:

...And no, it wasn't offside, so stop your whining. The Italian national team is old, and about to be blown up. I look forward to finding out how many people turn out to be "lifelong fans of Brazil" at the next World Cup.

Basically what I'm getting at here (anti-Italian national team tangent aside) is that ESPN has undergone a subtle change over the past decade, and I don't like the direction they're going in. It used to be about reporting the story; now, they decide what the story is and then hype it to death. They got NASCAR rights, so they decided that America suddenly needed to know a lot more about making left turns. Hockey departed from their family of networks, and now gets no airtime and only sporadic, low-quality coverage on their website. There's nothing we can really do to stop this change, but you can certainly choose how you react to it. I guess what I'm trying to say is think for yourself. ESPN is still the gateway to sports information, but the Internet gives you ways around the gatekeepers of access. Don't just take Bristol's word for it, do your own digging and find out what's actually going on. That way, you'll be the one laughing when the newest product of the Four Letter Hype Machine flames out.

So...

Any news on Brett Favre?



Good God, should we be in mourning?

I hope someone gives me their take on this.

And pictures.

Jesus, did anything else happen yesterday?

Was This Really Necessary?

by Rich

I know that I'm asking for it by reading one of the "blogs" on The Worldwide Leader's website, but this is a bit much. With apologies to the gentlemen at Fire Joe Morgan, there are some things here that need to be addressed.


If there is one thing I can stress, it is to not read too much into Steve Bernier's first night as a Sabre. That doesn't mean to dismiss it out of hand either.


Well-hedged, sir. No need to actually offer an opinion on a player's performance when you can say that it might be significant. Or it might not. The important thing is that Sean Allen successfully dodged the question.


Bernier played the entire night on a line with two of Buffalo's most dynamic players -- Thomas Vanek and Derek Roy and it resulted in two goals and an assist in the Sabres' 8-4 win over the Predators. A grinder by nature, Bernier had benefited from playing with talent way above his head in the past (Joe Thornton), so as long as he remains with that unit he can keep his production in the fantasy-useful realm. However, Bernier's value is tied 100 percent to his linemates, and a move of [sic] the top line would mean his value crashes and burns.

So those three points that Bear put up last night were solely the result of being on the ice with Vanek and Roy. It's true; if you look closely, Bernier never actually touched the puck on any of those plays. The combined awesomeness of his linemates propelled the puck into the net, and the scorekeeper simply took pity on Steve, awarding him some points so that we, the foolish fans, would feel better about the truly devastating loss of perennial Norris trophy-winner Brian Campbell.

Little Known Fact: Steve Bernier did accomplish something of note last night, tying Don Luce's team record for "Most Points Awarded to a Player Due Solely To His Teammates." The record had stood since a 1975 game against the Flyers, when Luce was credited with a natural hat trick simply for sharing ice time with the French Connection.

Anyhow, skipping down a bit in the article we find this gem:


Speaking of Campbell, he led all Sharks in ice time as they dominated the Blue Jackets 4-2. Campbell chipped in an assist and would have had the third assist on the first goal (if such a thing existed).

Okay, this one just hurts my brain. I'm going to need to go one sentence at a time here.

Speaking of Campbell, he led all Sharks in ice time as they dominated the Blue Jackets 4-2.

Just so we're clear, the Sabres "won" 8-4. The Sharks "dominated" 4-2. I'm not trying to argue that the Sabres did dominate the Preds, but it's just silly to say that a 4-2 win is any more impressive than an 8-4 win. You know what? Screw it. While we're randomly qualifying and disqualifying stats, let's just have the two goals that Jocelyn "The Human Empty Net" Thibault allowed stricken from the record. I'd say the Sabres' 8-2 win was at least as "dominating" as SJ's 4-2 final.


Campbell chipped in an assist and would have had the third assist on the first goal (if such a thing existed).

As my Texan roommate said after reading this line, "If my grandmother had balls, she'd be my grandfather."

While we're on the topic of the "third assist," since when is it useful to create stats to describe events that didn't actually happen? I'm all for stats, but only if they actually have some meaning. A "Third Assist" stat would give 4 of the 5 players on the ice when a goal is scored a point. You're telling me that it's statistically significant to keep track of the guy who passes to the guy who passes to the guy who passes to the guy who scores? That...would do nothing but artificially inflate the offensive statistics of mediocre players and completely skew perceptions on the actual value of an offensive player. As far as I know, the purpose of statistics as they pertain to sports is to make the evaluation of players easier, not more difficult.

Also, I notice that there's no disclaimer about Soup's abilities. For those of you keeping track at home, the Sabres got a guy with 15 goals (13 at the time of the trade) whose scoring is apparently completely dependent on his linemates, and the Sharks got MVP candidate, Hall-of-Fame defenseman, and Nobel Prize nominee Brian Campbell (who has 5 goals credited to him and 44 more that would have been if not for his charitable nature and insistence that those goals be credited to his less awesome teammates). Does this guy know Bucky Gleason?

Insomniac ESPN Moments

by Ryan

I know the moment Sean Taylor died I thought to myself, "What's his cap hit?"

Good freaking God, what is wrong with Len Pasquarelli? I mean, how do you do the research for that column and not get that icky feeling in your stomach? I feel sick just reading it.

Also, from Bill Simmons' marathon chat:

Tony (Toronto): Hey, Bill - just wondering if there was anything that could happen to the sport of hockey to get you interested again, or if you're totally and eternally done. Thoughts?

Bill Simmons: I would come back if they completely re-invented the league - 22 teams, 11 in Canada, 11 in USA.

Honestly, if that's what it takes to get you back, thanks but no thanks. Not only is that the worst realignment idea I've ever seen, I'm pretty sure executing that idea is impossible. It's a heck of a nice way of saying "never", though.

Rambling the Anger Out

by Ryan

I got a text this morning about Sean Taylor. I turned on the TV to see what happened. It was a natural response, people watch the news to find out what happened.

What I saw, unfortunately, was Fox News Channel. They told me that Sean Taylor was dead, passing away at 5am this morning. Not ten seconds later the anchor launches into the tale of his "troubled past," openly wondering if he was to blame for his own death.

At that point I had to turn the television off. How disgusting is the news media today? I mean, can't a guy die in peace anymore?

Now I'm not saying that it's impossible that his prior incidents are involved in his shooting, but at this point what the hell does it matter? Sean Taylor is dead, and that is a horrible and tragic thing. What does it matter to us how and why he died, especially just hours after it happens?

What was said was borderline slander, but something that happens all the time in the media. I'm so sick of the "infotainment" we are fed on an everyday basis, and when tragedies like this occur it is especially visible.

I guess I should be used to it, these are the same people that call hockey a deplorable sport when someone does something dirty, or want to ban Ricky Williams from the planet because of drug use. However, they don't seem to have a problem with covering Anna Nicole Smith's baby like it's the Geneva Convention, and Paris Hilton like a SALT Treaty.

It is a rambling statement at best, but it bothers me to no end when the know nothings immediately rush to opine a story to death. In the future, after actual police work is done, I'm more than okay with a rap sheet rundown. However, searching for connections through speculation and hearsay is just disgusting. Our immediate attention should be focused on the life that was lost and the family and friends left behind.

I'll leave this post with a quote from Taylor himself, something Fox News didn't feel was necessary to research and share:

"You can't be scared of death. When that time comes, it comes. ... You never see a person who has lived their life to the fullest. They sometimes feel sorry for like a child, maybe, that didn't get a chance to do some of the things they thought that child might have had a chance to do in life. I've been blessed. God's looked out for me, so, I'm happy."

Storytime With Uncle Bucky

by Rich

Well, the Bills are 4-4 thanks in no small part to a defense that's playing so far over their heads it's unbelievable. The Sabres are strugg-a-ling at 5-6-1, and UB lost a tough road game over the weekend to that other school that has the nerve to call themselves Miami. So as Buffalo sports fans, what do we need right now? That's right, kids! Another steaming pile of crap from the typewriter of Uncle Bucky! Once again, His Royal Buckiness has issued a proclamation from the throne, and he'll be damned if the facts are going to stand in his way!

You know how to be sure you're reading a Bucky Gleason "article?" You read something completely inaccurate, infuriating and intolerably smug before he even says anything about Buffalo. Take his opening, for example:

"The best part about the Red Sox winning the World Series twice in the past four years is that we’re no longer being force-fed brainless rhetoric about Boston being a tormented sports town. It never made sense in the first place. Beantown actually didn’t have a clue when it came to long-suffering fans.

The Patriots have won three of the past six Super Bowls and could very well win another. The Celtics won 16 NBA titles. The Bruins won five Stanley Cups. With torture like that, who needs sunny, 80 and a beach full of swimsuit models?"

This is so unfathomably stupid that it causes me physical pain. Yes, Bucky, the Patriots have won three Super Bowls. But between 1970 and 2000, they were a robust 217-237 in the regular season. Oh, and they were 6-9 in the playoffs with two Super Bowl losses during that span, with 5 of the 6 wins coming in 1985 and 1996. Wow. You're right, Bucky. It must've been awesome to be a Pats fan during that time. No suffering there.

And yes, you're right. The Bruins won 5 Stanley cups. In 1929, 1939, 1941, 1970, and 1972. But Uncle Bucky says that Buffalo can't talk about AFL titles from the 1960's, so we should disqualify any championship in any sport that was won before 1970. Those first three Cups the Bruins won? Forget 'em. Doesn't count. Even then, it's been thirty-five years since Boston's won a title in hockey.

The Celtics? Yeah, they've been pretty good, even when you use The Bucky Rule to disqualify the 11 championships they won before 1970. Except for the fact that their current title drought is old enough to drink, and the things they've been known for since then have been, oh, I don't know...less than ideal. Len Bias and Reggie Lewis dying, and Larry Bird not walking through that door.


So for those of you keeping score at home, Bucky's initial argument was to say that Boston has never been a "tormented sports town" because the Patriots and Red Sox have won 5 titles since 2001. Uhh....great, except for the fact that nobody was ever trying to make that point. Boston was...not IS, but WAS, a tormented BASEBALL town. Until 2004. Period. Just because the Sox, Pats, and Celtics (if you don't mind my assumption that the 2-0 KG Celts will be a decent team this year) are good right now doesn't mean that they always were. As usual, Buckster, your use of irrelevant facts is surpassed only by the fundamental insanity of the point they're meant to support.


It keeps going, making reference to Cleveland's 1948 World Series title as apparent proof that they aren't "long-suffering" fans (evidently it's not important that that means Cleveland has actually been without a title since before any of Buffalo's current franchises existed). Oh, and you gotta love the bit where Bucky asserts that Cubs fans are not "tormented" by their 99-years-and-counting World Series drought because, among other things, the White Sox won a title in 2005. Yeah, you read that right. Cubs fans aren't suffering anymore because their crosstown rivals won a championship.


You may ask how any of this relates to Buffalo sports, and you'd be right to wonder. Well, you see: first, Bucky had to establish that not only do Buffalo's fans suffer more than anyone else, but that nobody else's suffering was ever as great as ours is now. Once he's done that, he can go about telling us simple folk how it's all our fault, of course!

"One thing that has become apparent over the years is that fans around here have lowered their standards. They’ve become soft. Somehow, just being competitive became acceptable. The Sabres fell on their faces last year — it was mostly lack of effort, folks, not a shortage of talent — and were praised for reaching the conference finals two straight years.

It’s a loser’s mentality. Fans should demand more from their teams rather than settle for their mere presence."

Did you know that Buffalo sports teams lose because we're too soft? Mind you, he's not taking issue with the mental toughness of any of the actual athletes, coaches or organizations, but with the fans. Yeah, that's right. It's our fault. The Bills and Sabres lose because fans "have come to accept it."

Really? Well, I guess I need to step up and take responsibility for my actions.

Sorry, everyone. It's my fault that Drury and Briere left. I wasn't focused enough on July 1st. Had I been more dedicated to a championship, they would've re-signed. Instead, my head wasn't in the game, and now they're gone.

For that matter, I'm sorry I let Brett Hull score. I'm sorry I didn't tackle Kevin Dyson. I'm sorry I didn't spot the puck before Rob Brind'Amour did.

Obviously, all of those things happened because fans such as myself "accept losing."

Mea Culpa. Mea Maxima Culpa.


Because obviously, psychotically expecting a championship every year guarantees that you'll win, right?

....Right?

Dear ESPN,

Why the hell is Barry Melrose picking who will win the Pats/Indy game?

For that matter, why was Charles Barkley? I'm going to tell you a secret, Norby: no one gives a s#$%.

My pick? Oh, that's right, it doesn't matter what I think.

Dear Tiki Barber,

by Ryan

Hey, buddy! Long time no see. Actually, I see you everywhere these days, and it makes me want to blind myself with an awl.

Here's the deal, Tiki: you were slightly amusing on Fox News. Yeah, I think my Mom tuned in a few times, whatever.

Then you got a bit shady and announced you were retiring in the middle of a playoff race. While the Niedermayer method is not recommended, you didn't play it much better.

And now that you are actually retired you just can't seem to keep your mouth shut about anything. This new found release from allegiances has you telling anyone that will listen what you think about the Giants and their general suckitute.

Guess what Tiki? If you are going to collectively throw the organization, players, and staff under the bus, we'd appreciate it if you stopped using the possessive when you talk about them. You were just so giddy when you cut ties with the G-men, why linger around with all this "we" and "us" and "our" garbage.

Sure, it doesn't help when Madden refers to the Giants as "yours," but we all know he's losing it. The keys have been taken away from him in his video game, and he did the freaking Heisman Pose a few weeks back and no one batted an eye. Don't even get me started on his "colorful" artwork.

No one wants to hear you talk like this, friend. Even Steve Tasker thinks you are being a homer. So cut the crap and do what you do best: say nothing meaningful in a suit. You are not special. You just happen to have a nice wardrobe and adorable smile. Heck, Keyshawn Johnson looked like Neapolitan ice cream this morning and still got a paycheck for it.

So shut up, publish your stupid book no one will read, and get out of my face. Unless you are suiting up next week behind that fat kid who backs up Eli, move on. You are retired. Get over yourself.

Oh, and tell Keith Olbermann that he sucks at life, and if he continues to make bland jokes all season I'm flying to New York City to beat him with his red phone. He's killing me, and making Collinsworth and Costas turn themselves into low rent stand-up artists.

I can't believe I watched your lame schtick while Kevin Everett is lying in a hospital bed clinging to what's left of his career. It only goes to show how pathetic and vapid "Football Night in America" is in light of real life. Disgusting.

To think you retired to save your best years for later in life, Tiki. Good for you. While you sit there and create a storm of meaningless bullshit, guys like Kevin Everett risk everything just to play the game they love. Thank God you had the decency to give your self promotion a backseat in light of today's events.

What an assclown.

Losing Hope Da(i)ly

By Chris

I wasn't planning on posting anything today until this story caught my eye:
Daly says wife attacked him with a steak knife.

And I'm not even surprised. John Daly is one of those "athletes" (since he's not athletic, maybe he's just one of those people who play sports?) that's always in the news for the wrong reasons. He's now up there with the likes of T.O., Ron Mexico, Mike Tyson, Anna Kournikova, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez and Ron Artest. At this point, we don't care about what they do on their respective courts. The tabloid stuff is more interesting and that's where people go for the story. The seedy gambling rings, the call girls, the drugs, the suicide attempts, the facial tattoos.

They're more than sports stars. They're actual celebrities now. We saw that back when Andy Roddick was dating Mandy Moore, back when Wayne Gretzky married Janet Jones and it goes back even farther than that.

Can anyone tell me what Daly has won in the last two years? Probably not. But we do know about all of his side promotions and Hooters endorsements. Since when did the off-field stuff become so much bigger than what the players did during a game? Money is defintiely a factor, as well as the fact that anyone can be a journalist now. Anyone with a cell phone camera can be an insider or a source nowadays.Look at us. We've got a blog, although I would hope no one confuses us with a legitimate source. We're just here to give our opinions on what's going on in the world. But now I'm just ranting.

But it all goes back to the problems with our society as a whole. Believe it or not, both FOX News and MSNBC devoted continuous coverage of the Paris Hilton Saga, even going as far as providing a live helicopter feed that was following her car down the LA expressways. I'm sure there are more important issues in the world that could have been discussed. I'm sure there are, but instead we prefer to watch celebrities get into trouble and "live the good life." We enjoy watching that crap.

It's almost a surprise that ESPN's version of Entertainment Tonight failed miserably last year. Then again, maybe it's a sign that there's hope for humanity yet.

(And I was this close to posting Paris Hilton's mug shot, but I figured I'd spare you all from vomiting and rolling your eyes out of their sockets.)