People of Canada, I Bring You Football Jesus

by Ryan


The CFL is almost football. It's sort of like a generic slinky; at first it looks like the real deal, but after a few minutes it starts to get a bit weird looking. By hour's end, both are unwatchable.

Surely Canadians have a good reason to pay attention to the NFL. However, there is no excuse for this.

That's right people, Jesse Palmer is officially an NFL expert. Now I know that he has done some work with Fox in the past, but is he really qualified for his own segment?

Let's look at the statistics. In his six year NFL career Jesse played in seven games. His stellar 52.5 completion percentage and three touchdowns is all I need to see that Jesse is a bonafide football god. I can't wait for him to sympathise with the Falcons and Dolphins, who he could still land on the depth chart with if enough people died.

I'm always amused with how TSN presents their news. Almost every story begins with a reminder of how Canadian the sports world is. Every Blue Jays game is life or death, any team with a Canadien player on it is cause for celebration. I'm almost positive they just link the Pheonix Suns website and call it NBA coverage. After all, Steve Nash is Canadian.

That level of sugar coating continues with their on air talent, too:

Palmer also brings his celebrity status to Canada's most-watched entertainment newsmagazine program, eTalk, where he will appear regularly interviewing A-list stars from the world of movies, TV, music, fashion and beyond. Palmer will attend major movie junkets and the hottest and most exclusive parties/events during the star-studded Super Bowl Week, providing eTalk with behind-the-scenes coverage. Based in New York, Palmer brings another layer to eTalk's already established news team.

Wow, I can't wait for him to cover High School Musical 3 and the Prevent Defense at the same time. Count me in.

This just proves that as Americans we really have nothing to complain about. Sure, health care costs a fortune, but at least we don't have to take a former reality star's word on how the Bears look this week.

His answer, I'm sure, would be "adorable".

Update: Awful Announcing reports that he will be covering college football for the Four Letter. You see what you miss when you get news from TSN?