Rebranding, Step One

by Ryan

So I was looking for a way to alter this image to properly describe what's going on here:



I had a few ideas, but I think this is the perfect visual for the occasion:



Why yes, that's a moose rapeing a buffalo statue. I think that pretty much covers things here. If someone has any ideas for the Bills in Toronto logo, I'm all ears.

Chubbs is Gonna Sue

by Ryan

How many times do you watch a movie and see something you'd like to have in real life? For example, who wouldn't want a flux capacitor or anything James Bond has of use. Then there's the thing you would try at least once, just to see what it's like. Anything from the Good Burger menu fits that category. Also on the list, at least for me, is this:



The putter with a hockey blade head from "Happy Gilmore". Who wouldn't give that a try on one hole? With the way I play, it couldn't hurt my game. Well, now's my chance.

Hockey and golf are very different sports. But together, you can show your passion for play on the ice during a round on the links. The Hockey Stick Putters NHL® team golf putter is a precision weighted flat blade with a compression molded graphite shaft, a cast aluminum alloy blade and moisture prof putter grip. The team's logo is stitched on a head cover. This putter can be used by both left- and right-handed golfers.

I think that description offers more questions than answers, really. First of all, what are the intellectual property rights for that kind of thing? This is the first time I've seen anything like it on the market, but the idea isn't exactly new. Does Happy Madison get any profits from this, or at the very least a hat tip? Also, who the hell would buy something like this thinking, "Yeah, this is just what I was missing from my short game..."

So far they have seven teams to pick from, including the Leafs. Hey, that one will be getting plenty of action next spring. Now while $115 bucks is kind of a lot when you consider how much use I would get out of it, it's still a better value then that Maxim Afinogenov jersey I bought last year...

In Honor of the Weather

by Ryan



I think this pretty much sums things up around here the past few days...

Dream match-up?

By Jon

When you live in one place or region for your entire life, your ability to view things from a national perspective is skewed. If you spent your whole life in Buffalo, you might think the NHL is huge. If you have never spent a lot of time outside of Pittsburgh, you may not realize how ridiculous you sound when you say "yinz." A lifelong New York City resident won't understand someone who enjoys the wilderness. The list goes on and on and on.

With that being said, the NBA is of very little interest to the average Buffalonian. Even Chris, one of the biggest sports fans that I know, tried to live-blog the first game of this years finals and ended up with a post full of advertising critiques and discussion of The Incredible Hulk and the new High School Musical show (Chris is also one of the biggest Zac Efron fans I know, as well.) Other than the handful of baby boomers out there that have continued to follow the NBA three decades after the Braves skipped town, there seems to be very few WNYers out there that live and die by an NBA team (For those that are interested, the guys over at The Ultimate Sports Road Trip have been keeping the Buffalo blogosphere up-to-date throughout the NBA finals.) For all intents and purposes, the NBA is to Buffalo what the NHL is to the rest of the nation.

The Lakers/Celtics match-up was enough for me to tune in, to the delight of Mr. Stern, I'm sure. In fact, I was pretty excited for it. I've now had two roommates that were NBA fans, and while I haven't become a full-fledged fan myself, I do have somewhat of a passing interest. I'm also a bit of a sports history nut, so I can appreciate the rivalry that is the Celtics and the Lakers. This was supposed to be the series that vaulted me into NBA fandom; the series that completed my transition from a kid from an NBA-less city that had no appreciation for the game to a defender and watcher of the sport.

So far, it hasn't happened. Quite the opposite, actually. I dislike the NBA far more now than I did prior to the start of the Finals. The NBA's marquee match-up, the series between two teams chock full of stars in big markets, has been an absolute flop from a quality of play standpoint, and may drive the casual fan away. At times, the defensive has been atrocious, players can't find their shots for large stretches of the game, and there has yet to be a moment where both teams are playing with any sort of intensity at the same time. I'm in the minority here, but I didn't even find Game 4 to be that interesting. When the Celtics began mounting their now-historic comeback, the Lakers played the most uninspired defense I have ever seen. They collectively gave up, and that doesn't bode well for an exciting game, or series for that matter.

I tried, NBA. I gave you a fair shake. I watched more games in this year's playoffs that I had ever before. I entertained people at my house for the sole purpose of watching the Finals. I watched the games, from start to finish. But it wasn't enough.

So the NBA goes back into obscurity for me. I'm right back where I started: the Buffalonian with no interest in the league.

I guess sometimes you just can't change the way you were brought up.

"No, I mean, my husband is coming back": A Seatfiller's Story

by Ryan

So I'm sitting next to Jason Blake's wife and I think to myself, "Well this is pretty cool."

Actually, that's not how it happened. While I had been thinking that the entire night, it wasn't until Jason kicked me out of his seat that I knew who I was next to all along.

---

It is the general opinion of hockey fans that the NHL Awards Show is boring. People win stuff that is mostly decided upon months beforehand, and everyone pats each other on the back. Ron MacLean will make jokes no one understands, and the European players use the Sammy Sosa card when accepting awards. However, put yourself in the same room as those people and your opinion quickly changes.

Case in point: Thursday night's NHL Awards Show was freaking awesome, and here's why:



That was taken to the left of the Elgin Theatre's stage, just before I was thrown into Mrs. Blake's lap. If case you haven't caught on, Thursday night I was a seat filler at the NHL Awards Show in Toronto. Now there is plenty to talk about from that night, but I'm sure you're wondering how all this is possible, so let me explain.

This was my girlfriend's idea. Sometime last month she decided that she wanted to go to the NHL Awards. This led to a Google search or two, where she found out you could fill seats for free. Apparently this is something the NHL advertises for on Craigslist, and so last week she applied and was confirmed two days later. She then hacked into my Yahoo account, sent in my info and I was confirmed the next day. What can I say, she's a keeper.

Initially this venture was much less glamorous than it appears. We were supposed to meet on Victoria Street at the rear entrance of the Elgin Theatre at 5:30. This roughly translated into walking down an alley and banging on a door with an impending sense of doom. For a good 30 seconds or so I thought we were going to be straight up murdered, which was bad because I was wearing my only good dress shirt.

Thankfully that door did lead into the Theatre, and soon we were in a big room waiting around for something to happen. This was a common theme over the next two hours, with the only variation being a return trip to the alley to check in and get a fancy purple wristband. A select few people were also given actual tickets to the show, but these turned out to be the booby prize: obstructed view seats.

Following another period of nothing, we were given very simple instructions: stand up during commercial breaks. Don't talk to the talent. Don't touch the talent. Don't breathe on the talent. Don't take pictures of the talent. Don't ask the talent to father your children. You know, the usual.

After a fire alarm and a reminder of the rules, we were finally escorted into the theatre. We stood in the back while everyone was asked to sit down. Our purpose was to literally fill in holes in the audience. When award presenters or recipients leave their seats, a seat filler takes their place to keep the crowd looking full. Sometimes you sit there the rest of the night, and sometimes for only one segment of the show. There is no way of knowing where you sit or for how long, it really all boils down to luck.

For the first two segments of the show I sat in two different seats, taking up space until everyone arrived. After that I got away from filler duty by standing alone in the back of the theatre. I wanted to get a feel for the atmosphere a bit, and while sitting is fun I thought getting an overview of the crowd would be better.

It was here that Pavel Datsyuk would walk past me twice. The first time was after winning the Selke Trophy. Pavel went onstage, saying very little and admitting his English was "short". He was so nervous that he forgot his notes, which were taken away during the commercial break. For being such a great hockey player, Datsyuk just never looks comfortable in his own skin.

He got back to his seat just in time for the Lady Byng Award, which he was up for as well. The winner the last two years, Datsyuk was a shoe in for a third, even up against the likes of Jason Pominville and everyone's favorite hobbit, Martin St. Louis. Of course Pavel won, making an even more awkward speech without the aid of notes.

When you really think about it, the Lady Byng is the perfect trophy for Datsyuk. Unassuming in every way, he is the kind of personality you'd feel bad about if he didn't have ridiculous talent attached to it. While he plays hockey with a fire few are able to match, off the ice he is meek and downright nervous. If he didn't average over a point per game, you would think he was the Zamboni driver at your local rink.

Walking with his shoulders low, he walked past me the second time with his eyes darting away, appearing to have enough of all this awards show stuff. Since I was alone, I gave him the obligatory "congratulations" as he passed. He responded with a quick "thank you", walking as quickly as possible to the comfort of his teammates. It wasn't done in a rude way, in fact, his tone was more of an "I'm sorry I'm good and they make me go on stage".

If he wasn't an All Star hockey player and Stanley Cup Champion, you would be okay with him dating your sister. Before the show ended you could see him rocking back and forth in his seat like a child stuck at Grandma's house. "Can we go now? Can we go?" Still, there he was signing autographs and taking pictures with fans after the show, that sense of obligation making him available. He's just... nice, and in a way that is what the award has become, so Pavel had better get a bigger shelf.

---

Just after Datsyuk's second trip past me a group of Calgary Flames flew by at the commercial break. Iginla led the charge to what I'm guessing was the bar, with his date and another girl behind him. Bringing up the rear was Dion Phaneuf, the young D man with a shiny new contract.

As he was running by he practically ran over a kid in a "North Stars" jersey. I couldn't help but think Patrick Marleau's ears were ringing as he said "I'm sorry" to the dazed little kid. They didn't make it back to their seats before the show started again, so they were stuck back where I was. By that time I was wrangled up by the seat people on the other side of the theatre, where my girlfriend and I watched as the foursome was suddenly stranded next to the ushers. By then I realized that Phaneuf's date was Elisha Cuthbert, the actress who sold high on Sean Avery's appendix.

Eventually this led to a bunch of kids asking for autographs, piling around the group like they were offering free candy. Funny thing is, all those little kids got autographs from Iginla, but no one even bothered talking to Phaneuf. It was as if they didn't recognize him at all, which is saying something considering he is the newest member of the NHL's $7 Million Club.

From now on, whenever I'm with someone and a mutual friend only acknowledges the person I'm with, it will be called getting "Phaneufed".

---

My next adventure was the only time I actually got yelled at during the evening. Just after I took the above picture and with about ten seconds left until the show came from break, I hear the wrangler yelling and motioning me over to a seat about six rows up. It was four seats or so in, which meant there were three chances of me stepping on someone important. I went 1 for 3, with the only victim an understanding woman in a light blue dress.

"Sorry, they were kinda screaming at me to get here." I whisper as Ron MacLean makes a joke about rookies that no one laughed at.

"It's okay. It happens," was all that she said, but I knew we would be friends for life.

We watched Kane win the Calder just a few feet away from the girlfriend, and then Gary Bettman came out to give the "Lifetime Achievement Award" to Mr. Hockey. The highlight of my night came when someone behind me actually booed Bettman when he came onstage. My guess is that it was Nicholas Backstrom, who was pissed he got dressed up like the Icelandic coach from D2: The Mighty Ducks and didn't win the Calder.

After Howe gave the finger snaps to a little kid and accepted the award, the show went to commercial and I did the awkward stand up thing. The good news is that I got a good chance to survey the area. To the left was the Red Wings section, with Mike Babcock, Datsyuk, Hasek, Lidstrom, and Zetterberg all around eachother. Behind me was Backstrom, and oh wait, there's Jason Blake in the aisle. Time to get up.

I gave him a nod as I made my way over to the side of the theatre. Pretty soon I was in a seat near the back, where I stayed for the rest of the show. My girlfriend was in her seat near Kane for the majority of the night, a row behind Gino Malkin and a few seats away from Brodeur when he won the Vezina. If you are looking carefully, you can see her on TV as he gets up to accept the award.

After Ovechkin won the Hart and told everyone "Iloveyoubye" it was time to leave. I headed to the back of the theatre and watched as generations of NHL players walked past me. This was as good a time as any to whore it up and ask for autographs or pictures, but I just didn't have it in me.

Hasek and his family walked by, with Lidstrom asking him if he was going to the after party. Bob Gainey and Guy Carbonneau start talking, and suddenly Iginla comes over to shake Gainey's hand. Scotty Bowman gets close enough to ask him about local golf courses, and Zedeno Chara proves to be freakishly tall even off skates. Pominville lingered long enough to see him not surrounded by girls, and Datsyuk once again sped by.

Still, I didn't want to be "that guy" in all of this. I didn't come to the show to get autographs or pictures for my Facebook, I just wanted to see what it was like; see what the players are like in person. So while millionaires strutted by, I just sat back and watched. I did give Dom a nod as he passed, because Jon is right about him in a way.

We left the theatre with Bob Gainey behind us, and with a quick right we were back into the real world. Reliving the experience at the Pickle Barrel, we couldn't help but laugh at how absurd the whole thing was. Driving 90 minutes to be a warm body for the sake of the show's director. There was no pay, no cost, and the only evidence of the trip was a disposable wristband and two programs any jokester could buy off eBay.



Even so, it was a pretty great night, and something that will forever change the way I watch an awards show. Knowing that there are some nobodies next to all those stars is one thing, but to see them for yourself is a whole new view of the game. Later on my girlfriend sent me this story, pointing out this:

The fans may not have got personal signed autographs, but they did actually witness a hockey legend in the flesh.

"That's us," she said.

Yeah, I think I'm okay with that.

Dear Christian Gaddis,

by Ryan



Hey man.

So I heard you got something in the mail yesterday, and I just wanted to give you a little bit of advice on this whole "running over the big girl from Toronto" thing.

Now you probably have a few questions about this subpoena, and I'm here to answer them for you. First of all no, it isn't asking you for a urine sample. I know it's a funny word, but you probably shouldn't have giggled when the officer asked you those questions. Second: no, it is not a coupon for Subway. I don't care how much you love chicken teriyaki, you will pay full price like the rest of us.

With that out of the way, let's get down to business. You've done a lot for us in your career, but with this you have a unique opportunity to really help the franchise. There is no easy way of saying this, so here it goes:

Take one for the team, Christian.

Yes, I know it's not "ethical" and whatnot, but I want you to take the fall on this one. Someone misplaced Frank Clark's dentures again and he's on the warpath. I want your 6'1" 300 lbs frame in his way, and I want you to block him better than you guys block Vrabel.

I know this seems suddenly personal but it's not, I swear. I just want what every good teammate wants: whatever is best for the team. You see, Mr. Gaddis, we have two hopes for this fall: Money running buckwild and "That really tall receiver" catching passes and freeing up Lee. It just so happens that both of those hopes were allegedly in the car with you, suddenly making you more expendable than Andrew Peters at pickup hockey.

Don't think of yourself as being "thrown under the bus." Instead, imagine being gently pushed into, say, a luxury SUV and coming away with a bruised hip. It would be minor damage, really, but in the long run you would save me from a lot of sleepless nights crying over what should have been.

Really, you don't want to see me cry. I'd rank myself somewhere between a levee bursting and the Bridal Veil Falls. It's intense. Sometimes I get so worked up my breathing can't catch up and I start to hyperventilate. I literally choke on my sorrows, man. Do you really want to put me through that?

So... yeah, just bite the (metaphorical!) bullet on this one and say it was you behind the wheel of the Moneymobile. Things happen, man. You get a little buzzed at the club with your boys, and eventually someone has to drive home. Who knew that hippo in the road wasn't just a side effect of the Absinthe you pre-gamed with? I mean, you run over something that large downtown and you have to assume it's a mythical creature. I would have ran away too. After you hit that thing it's only a matter of time before Bowser cuts the chain loose and it starts chomping at you.

That defense is air tight, my friend. No, no, thank you, Christian Gaddis, for making this mess go a whole lot smoother. I'll see you in a year, maybe less with good behavior.

Kyle Wellwood is Busted, Earth Remains on Axis

by Ryan

Let's just say that Tim Connolly is flat out impressed with Kyle Wellwood's ability to unjure himself.

"I was playing indoor soccer and it (my foot) sort of cracked," Wellwood told the Windsor Star.

Thing is, things don't "sort of crack" with Wellwood, they shatter. He is probably the most injury prone person on the planet, with that kid born without skin ranking a distant second.

I think it's safe to say he won't be a target in the RFA market this summer. Then again, Kevin Lowe has been itching to overpay someone all spring. Expect him to sign a huge offer sheet from Edmonton, subsequently needing Tommy John surgery to repair the torn ligimants.

Awarding Awards and Such

NHL Awards are tonight. Let's run down the list of nominees:

Vezina Trophy
Nominees: Martin Brodeur, Henrik Lundqvist, Evgeni Nabokov

I like Nabokov in this one. He played tons of games and helped the Sharks to a Pacific Division title. Their winning streak going into the playoffs helped secure that and hopefully a Vezina for Nabokov. Plus, it would be nice to see a first-time winner. With that said, Brodeur will probably win. He's the standard when it comes to playing 83 games in the regular season and posting some insane numbers.

Actual Winner: Brodeur


Norris Trophy
Nominees: Zdeno Chara, Nicklas Lidstrom, Dion Phaneuf

Lidstrom is just sooo good. This should be a lock for him.

Actual Winner: Lidstrom


Calder Trophy
Nominees: Nicklas Backstrom, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews

We're going to go with the local boy on this one. Toews' injury hurts his cause a bit and Backstrom got to play with Ovechkin. Plus we're homers so we'll be rooting for Kane.

Actual Winner: Kane (and his sisters are smoking)


Lady Byng Trophy
Nominees: Pavel Datsyuk, Jason Pominville, Martin St. Louis

Datsyuk will probably win it but it would be cool if Pominville picked up the award. Then I could call him Lady Poms from now on.

Actual Winner: Datsyuk


Selke Trophy
Nominees: Pavel Datsyuk, John Madden, Henrik Zetterberg

My guess is this one will go to Zetterberg since Datsyuk is on the ballot for the Lady Byng. Voters might have thought about spreading the wealth. Madden is an interesting dark horse and the Devils are so good trapping that it wouldn't shock me if he won.

Actual Winner: Datsyuk


Hart Trophy
Nominees: Jarome Iginla, Evgeni Malkin, Alex Ovechkin

Didn't you get your T-shirt already? Ovechkin is going to take this one.

Actual Winner: Ovechkin


Jack Adams Award
Nominees: Mike Babcock, Bruce Boudreau, Guy Carbonneau

We love Bruce Boudreau here in the Roost just because he seems like a happy man. And he should be. The Caps were in last place in the league when he took over and he and Ovechkin led them to a division title. He pushed a lot of right buttons and deserves more than just a nomination.

Actual Winner: Boudreau


Masterton Trophy
Nominees: Jason Blake, Chris Chelios, Fernando Pisani

Despite a disappointing season, I hope Blake gets it just as an F-U to that cancer-hating racist Avery.

Actual Winner: Blake

_________________________________
Ron MacLean starts the show off at 7. The Red Carpet walk always gets me.

Don't miss out. I know our very own Ryan won't. More on that tomorrow...

To be naive...

By Jon

I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I want to take the time to give my two cents on Dominik Hasek's retirement and his legacy in Buffalo.

Ask me who my favorite player of all time is, and I'll answer without hesitation: The Dominator. As a young lad just starting to find his way as a hockey fan, Hasek was the biggest star on the team that was closest to me. It was that simple; the kind of simplicity that can only be understood by a child with the way sports are today. I didn't understand the trap and I couldn't have told you what was going on between Dom and Nolan and Muckler (can anyone?), but naivety be damned, it was plain to see that the man could take a team on his back and win games on his own.

I, along with many others, have always had a soft spot for the1996-97 team. It was the first time in my life that I had ever understood the game and became attached to a team. I didn't have cable or Empire at the time (Empire! Come back! We miss you!), so I spent my nights listening to Pete Weber call the action on WBEN, or Clip Smith's (RIP) call-in show on off-days. There always seemed to be a common theme: Hasek steals another one.

Looking back, I didn't even know what I was witnessing. I had no concept of how incredible his season was. I had no idea that a goalie winning the Hart Trophy was such a lofty accomplishment. Whether I fully grasped his greatness or not, Hasek's play was the biggest factor in making a fan out of me, and for that I am thankful that he was around.

People will mention (and have mentioned) the various controversies that have become synonymous with his name here. The masses certainly were offended when he made his now infamous "Red Wing for life" comment. But those things don't matter when you are too young to make sense of them. It certainly isn't that way for me anymore; If Lindy Ruff were to skip town, win a cup, and backhand the Sabres organization similar to the way Dom did, I would hate him and label him a traitor. I had become so enamored with Dom's play at such a young age that he has reached a level where he can do no wrong with me (Well, maybe he can do some wrong).

That brings me to my larger point. Let's remember Dom for what he did on the ice. Like it or not, Hasek was the best player to put on a Sabres sweater. Personally, I will try my hardest to be in attendance when number 39 is raised to the rafters, and I hope that I won't be in the minority when I stand and cheer.

Far too much attention is paid to what goes on off of the ice/field/pitch/etc. Our culture has become so celebrity obsessed that off-the-field stories are bigger than what happens in the game itself (and the athletes have no one to blame but themselves. I'm looking at you, OJ.) I just wish we could all go back to an age where all of that mattered less. An age where we could all remember Dom for his slinky for a spine and spectacular saves rather than his tissue paper groin and boneheaded media comments.

So Dominik, thank you for your time in Buffalo. Whether you enjoyed it here or not, I had a great time watching you play every night. Congrats on your career, and enjoy retirement.

And one last time, for old time's sake (I don't care if we posted this two days ago, this picture will never get old)...

0-2, 2 K

by Rich

I know hating on the Four-Letter is as fashionable in the blogosphere as Ed Hardy graphic tees and living in your mother's basement, but I have to take the bait once in a while. Anyone else notice how hard the Bristol hype machine has been whiffing lately? Granted, they've been known to jump the gun a little bit in the past; anyone remember that segment they ran on every SportsCenter for two or three weeks before the Vince Young Rose Bowl where they repeatedly compared that year's USC team to great historical teams to somehow determine that those Trojans were indeed the "best college football team ever assembled" and then they lost to the Longhorns? (I've always wondered, does that mean that ESPN now believes the 2006 Texas Longhorns were the best college football team of all time because they beat USC?)

Seriously though, look at the hype that's been thrown at us lately and then look at what has actually unfolded. Big Brown was crowned, anointed, and damn near canonized as The Next Triple Crown Winner during the lag time between the Preakness and Belmont. They even sent Rick Riley out to Belmont in a brown suit, for God's sake. At several points during the pre-race broadcast, the on-air talking heads claimed that the race was "as close to a foregone conclusion as any I've ever seen." (and that's a paraphrase, Mr. Bissinger; I know you're reading anything concerning our equine friends)

So what happens? Big Brown turns in a worse lap time than an actual big, brown UPS truck would have and becomes the first ever Triple Crown hopeful to finish dead last at Belmont. Don't worry, I'm not about to question the horse's heart or desire or grit or hustle or any of those attributes normally used to describe David Eckstein. I know, I know, horses are people too and how dare I question anything about these warriors who sacrifice themselves for glory and victory...I mean these poor downtrodden, abused animals who have been systematically victimized from birth...wait, never mind. None of the above. It's a horse running on a track. Still, there hasn't been any kind of physical reason given for what happened at Belmont; seems like Big Brown just wasn't trying to run hard that day. I'd like to think he was just sticking it to ESPN, saying "that's what you get for trying to impart all this human drama and hype onto me."

As entertaining as it was watching talking heads stumble over themselves trying to explain how a large land mammal managed to lay an egg, I actually enjoyed the Worldwide Leader's Euro 2008 gaffe even more. ESPN is trying to push European soccer on us pretty hard lately (which I'm totally fine with; I don't watch MLS soccer for the same reason I don't watch double-A baseball), and their lead ad for the Euro 2008 tournament was based around the theme "If winning is an art, Italians are the masters."

So what happens in the second match of the tournament? Italy gets stomped on 3-0 by the Dutch. Not only was it the first victory against Italy for the Netherlands in 30 years, but it was also the worst loss Italy has ever suffered in European competition. Believe me, I enjoyed every schadenfreude-rich moment of it. Maybe it's a peculiarity of the region, or maybe I just know a lot of annoying people, but it really bothered me how many "Italians" in western New York flipped out when Italy won the World Cup a couple summers ago. Something just bothers me about people who are third and fourth-generation Americans, who have never been to Italy, and whose knowledge of the language is limited to Forza Azzurri jumping ship on their nation in favor of a place they've never been just because they're good at soccer. So for all the bandwagon-jumpers, this is your sign to jump off:

...And no, it wasn't offside, so stop your whining. The Italian national team is old, and about to be blown up. I look forward to finding out how many people turn out to be "lifelong fans of Brazil" at the next World Cup.

Basically what I'm getting at here (anti-Italian national team tangent aside) is that ESPN has undergone a subtle change over the past decade, and I don't like the direction they're going in. It used to be about reporting the story; now, they decide what the story is and then hype it to death. They got NASCAR rights, so they decided that America suddenly needed to know a lot more about making left turns. Hockey departed from their family of networks, and now gets no airtime and only sporadic, low-quality coverage on their website. There's nothing we can really do to stop this change, but you can certainly choose how you react to it. I guess what I'm trying to say is think for yourself. ESPN is still the gateway to sports information, but the Internet gives you ways around the gatekeepers of access. Don't just take Bristol's word for it, do your own digging and find out what's actually going on. That way, you'll be the one laughing when the newest product of the Four Letter Hype Machine flames out.

Surprise!

by Ryan

Portland it is. The Sabres will no longer simply be taking a trip down the 90 to get their prospects, and road tripping it to see Marek Zagrapan play is suddenly much harder. But forget all that, what you want to know is this:



This is Crackers the Parrot and Salty Pete the Pirate.

Holy s#$t.

I mean I get it, the pirate is the logo and everything, but does it have to look that... comfortable with its own sexuality? There are writers for the Village Voice that have less experience with peg legs and timber shivering.

What about that parrot, too? Are we serious with the name Crackers? Is that a statement on the demographics of Portland, Maine or is there some kind of black market for saltines I'm not aware of?



Look at those nimble knees. That Pirate doesn't even have his sea legs, how is he supposed to skate?

However, even with all this alternate lifestyle mascotery Portland's queer pairing still better the options in Florida. Namely, the existence of Mini Stanley C. Panther.



Yes, beyond the pink hat and next to the "I Heart ____" (I'm guessing "other douchebags") shirt is a mascot smaller than the majority of its clients. The logic behind this little critter is that it will appeal to a "younger audience". Apparently the original Stanley C. Panther was designed for the Matlock crowd, so I guess that's enough of a reason to wrap a little person in felt and put a cat's head on. I bet it pays well.

It seems only a matter of time before Florida unveils its "Placenta Panther" to get the attention of all the young hockey fans in Florida before they leave the womb.

For The Record

That picture was taken last spring. Quite a way to close out the 07-08 season, eh?

Fourth and 21.....errrr 18

Looks like Money isn't the only Buffalo Bills employee in trouble with the law these days. And it's definitely not who you'd expect.

http://www.buffalonews.com/258/story/366418.html

John M. Gurtler Jr., the public address announcer for the Buffalo Bills and voice of the Buffalo Bandits lacrosse team, was arrested early Sunday along with his wife and teenage son after they allegedly hosted a large underage post-prom party at the family's Orchard Park home, Orchard Park police reported late Monday.

Gurtler and his wife, Mary, both 54, as well as 18-year-old John M. Gurtler III, were arrested at their Orchard Terrace home about 2 a.m. and charged with unlawfully dealing with a child. They are accused of providing alcohol to people less than 21 years old.

The charge is a misdemeanor that upon conviction can carry a sentence of up to a year in jail.

The Gurtlers were allegedly found to be hosting a party attended by as many as 80 teenagers. Officers reported observing several kegs of beer, as well as more than 150 open containers of alcoholic beverages at the scene. Numerous unopened containers were seized as evidence, police said.

So basically, he tried to be "Cool Dad" and throw a drinking party for his son. And then 80 people showed up, their neighbors got ticked and he's riding away in handcuffs. Sounds like your typical prom night to me.

I Wanna Make Gretzky Bleed

by Ryan


No matter what system you had back in the day, there was one fact that no fanboy could refute: NHL 94 was freaking awesome.

It is arguably one of the best sports video games of all time, and even today we get some inspiration from it from time to time. For hockey fans, the series has defined the progression of the video game industry from underground passion to mainstream appeal.

At the time of its release, the NHL was in it's heyday. The Rangers were winning the Stanley Cup and countless gamers were deciding which line combination could stop Alexander Mogilny in pixelated blue and gold. In many ways that game and that year would be the apex of the league's popularity, and since then we have only seen a decline in quality of both its video games and pop culture appeal.

That being said, NHL video games still get people pretty excited. Our own Chris has torn through the last incarnation of the series and is already getting excited about NHL 09. Take a look for yourself:




Personally, I think Phaneuf is a good pick for the cover. Anything is better than Rick Nash. However, the screenshot below is what I found far more interesting than imaginary Sidney Crosby breakaway goals.



Yes, that's Zedeno Chara and Steve Bernier getting ready to awkwardly fight for the puck. Obviously EA Sports has great faith in Darcy Regier's ability to keep restricted free agents, so I guess that's a good sign.

You won't see any new jersey mock ups because it is still fairly early in development, but I would expect later in the summer the game once again reveals some new designs. This fall will see the return of third jerseys to the wardrobe, and every team looking to make a buck (read: all of them except Phoenix) will have a shiny new model for fans to spend $150 bucks on.

But I digress.

One of the cooler things about that screenshot has a lot to do with jerseys, but not the ones on the players. In the first row next to Bernier's left shoulder is a guy in a goathead Sabres jersey. It may seem like an insignificant point, but to those of you who grew up on crowds wearing the same 3 shirt colors it's a pretty snazzy tweak.

To get all code-nerd on you, it's a fairly simple algorithm to make it happen. All you have to do is assign a fan a random model of jersey available to that designated team and make sure they are spaced out far enough to avoid repetition. However, consider the era of "stand up, sit down" fans from the 2K series as an example of just how far video games have come in the past few years.

The point really is that EA seems to be giving the NHL series a good shot to be great again. Hockey video games aren't for everyone, but making a good video game can help a league's image just as much as a crappy Mike Myers vehicle. Even today people reminisce about NHL 94 and how great it was. There are even people who use the "NHL 08 Theory" when analyzing real life hockey players.

For example, last year Dan Paille was ranked higher overall than Drew Stafford in NHL 08. Before the season that would seem completely ridiculous, but sitting here today you have to think the EA code wizards were on to something. Stafford struggled while Dan Paille went 19/16/35 in 77 games, completely shedding the nickname "Fat Crosby." Who knew?

Somewhere in all that lack of sleep is a theory about what the NHL video game franchise has done to the popularity of the sport, but for now try to convince yourself not to make this your background for the summer:

Goodbye Dominik Hasek's Nipples

It was a... time.


What will it be like when your number is retired? That will be a fun one...

Darcy and the Dirty Dozen

by Ryan

I want free candy.

Well, Brooks Orpik, that is. In fact, there are a lot of players that I would love to see on my team, and now is the time to dream. Until July 1st, anyone who wasn't ours this season won't sign with the Sabres, but it sure is fun to think about who we can get.

We already know that Dimitri Kalinin won't be back, so that frees up a D spot. Mike Weber and Andrej Sekera came along nicely, but we are officially short a big body on the blueline. If Mike Ryan leaves and Dan Paille gets an offer sheet... who knows what will happen to this team?

Offer sheets. Oh man. There are some within the game that think this summer may be the year of the offer sheet, with restricted free agents given offers from other teams as a way to lure talent outside of free agency. Kevin Lowe fired the opening salvo last summer with Vanek and Dustin Penner, and many believe GMs will either be emboldened by the move or seek their own contractual revenge.

One such team searching for hypothetical revenge would be the Sabres, and it is rumored that Darcy Regier is looking to make a splash this summer. Then again, it's rumored that Verne Troyer's interim status as head coach of the Leafs may become permanent, so what do I know?

With that in mind, let's look at the group TSN called "The Dirty Dozen."

No, these aren't a bad batch of doughnuts, they are RFAs that may or may not be tendered offers if their current team screws the pooch. Going over the list, here are the players that seem to fit the bill for the Sabres.

Jay Bouwmeester

Mike Green

Andrej Meszaros

Shea Weber

If you know the names you may have noticed a theme there. Bouwmeester and Weber are both big blueliners with rising stocks that may compliment the current roster very nicely. Making a big move with either would open up the chance to re-sign Nolan Pratt for cheap and still have enough to sign Teppo if he decides to return.

Mike Green is a great offensive player, and we seem to have a lot of those types on the blue line at the moment, but would you really be upset with him on your team? The same goes for Meszaros, who has always been a thorn in the Sabres' collective side. Plus, how good would it feel to take away one of Ottawa's defenseman? Everyone knows they are looking hard at Brian Campbell, why not take their budding d-man away and let the big minutes rest with Soupy?

If any of the above sounds ridiculous, you aren't alone. More than likely Darcy will spend the summer begging Ryan Miller to take The Lundqvist Deal and pray Jason Pominville's agent is related to Boots Del Baggio. We won't make a move in Group 2 and will sign another rental backup goalie with no wheels, forcing Miller to play 70+ games again. This will make him search for greener pastures, forcing me to subsequently search for a nice place to dive into the gorge.

However, now is the time for the "maybes" and the "what ifs" and the "no freaking ways." Let's talk about who you want, what they will cost, and who we can really get. Everyone has ideas about what direction this team should go, so why not explore them? When we really dig into this we will start with the players we currently have, but for today read that list over and tell me who you think we can really get.

Everyone loves free candy, but if you can't have it; why not go for some poetic justice?

Dead On

She's right, Big Brown's OPS is insane.

Foregone Conclusion?

by Ryan



For months we've heard about the mythical land of Portland, Maine. Over the next few days we may be hearing a lot more about it. It is anything but a sure bet (Looking your way, Big Brown...) but all signs point to the Pirates being the newest home of Clarke MacArthur. The club has announced a press conference for Tuesday concerning their new NHL affiliate.

At least they won't have to change much at the merch table. Check this out:



---

Some other things on my mind on a lazy Sunday:



- According to this Facebook ad, Soup is spreading the gospel of the overpriced puck-carrying defenseman market. I bet that seminar is full of Tragically Hip covers...

- The Strangers is a f#$king awful movie. What a waste of time. You know the movie sucks when 20 minutes in 1) nothing is happening, 2) you verbally state how awful the movie is, and 3) you wish you saw the movie with the animated panda.

How does a movie that pointless get a green light? Is Liv Tyler going to ruin The Incredible Hulk? "You were home"?!?! I've never seen so many people leave a theatre simultaneously angry/confused/sheepish over paying $9 bucks to see that sh%tshow. What a joke.

- Puck Daddy has a nice read about the remaining Whalers in the league, including one of our own soon-to-be UFAs.

- The Stanley Cup was dented. Somewhere, Gary Bettman is bragging it's the biggest dent since 2002.

- I'm not a big fan of the Olympics (something you will hear about later), but we are suddenly in good shape for the 2010 games in Vancouver. Brian Burke will be GM for the US hockey team, and hopefully he will be the one to make it more than a glorified all star team. Go for gold, Goose.

- I'll leave you with the best picture I've seen all week.



I would have that face, too.

One More Thing

How baller is Coco Crisp?



That punch missed.

I love Jacoby as much as the next guy, but no way he 1) does the side shuffle and charges the mound, and 2) dodges that first punch. Congrats to Coco on that. I'm sure that means his trade stock just rose a bit, even though he's going to be suspended for a long time...

The Season's Change is a Conduit

by Ryan

So... if you came here expecting a review of The Game, you just don't know us well enough. I'm currently about halfway through the book, and although I will have something to say about it, it's not coming today.

The good news is that Chris is reading Live From New York and will have something about it posted by the end of next week; so look for that before mine. Rich is enduring a life without the series of tubes, so you know he is reading something. Or going insane, either or.

I think I've said enough about the playoffs over the course of the last six weeks or so. Being the first full season with a blog to ramble with, I must admit I enjoyed the postseason a lot more than I usually do after the Sabres gracefully implode. Having the hockey blogosphere to get a feel for all those "other" teams really makes for an exciting postseason, and I look forward to checking back in over the course of the summer to see how free agency shakes out.

So that's the question now, isn't it? What the hell are we going to do with ourselves?

Well, plenty. Over the next few months we are going to branch out a bit, covering some basketball, baseball, and whatever else happens during the summer. Of course, there will be plenty of silly season news in the hockey universe, and we fully intend to cover every angle of the off season. The NHL Awards, Draft, UFA Day, all of it is going to be talked about here, and Chris has spreadsheets and all kinds of things ready for the summer.

We're also trying to plan a road trip to see a baseball game, although the location seems to be getting farther and farther away as we flesh it out. Somewhere between Boston and Minnesota, I'm sure.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though the hockey season is officially over, we're not. In fact, we're pretty excited about the summer. The Sabres will retool, the Bills will try to pry Money away from the iron fist of Roger Goodell, and we should have some nice weather to avoid in the comfort of our homes, computer screen aglow with the shades drawn.

So in the words of Jonathan Papelbon: "Stay tuned. I've got something for ya, kid."

RoosTV: Mission: Impossible

By Chris

6:15 Fact: I've never sat down and watched an entire NBA game start to finish. I just physically and mentally can't do it. I've tried it a few games and the closest I've come is watching the entire first half of Game One of the Mavericks-Heat final a few years ago. College hoops? No problem. It's the NBA that I can't stand. I just can't get through an entire game. Whether it's the music that plays constantly or the constant whistles that drives me more insane I'll never know. It's the only sport I just can't watch. Tonight, I'm going to try to change that.

The match-up alone is enough to get me to try. Lakers-Celtics is legendary. Mythical even. Garnett would have been a household name six years ago if he hadn't been trapped in losing Minnesota for so long. Along with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, the Celtics are back. But they've got Kobe in the way who's trying to prove that he can lead Showtime to a championship on his own. Compelling stuff.

Unfortunately the game doesn't start until 9 p.m. tonight. Makes this a little bit harder, but very rarely will I back down from a challenge that takes as little skill or talent as this.

So stop in from time to time. I'll be live blogging this game for as much as I possibly can. Until then I'll be pre-gaming, which basically means eating a frozen pizza and watching two hours of Pop-Up Video on VH1 Classic until tip-off. Good times.

9:37 The first quarter just ended after 12 years of introductions and what seemed like 1,945 stoppages. This is painful. Clockwork Orange bad. And the Journey to the Center of the Earth commercials aren't helping. Neither is the fact that my house is hotter than Balls. Deedum Deedum Dadada Dumdum.

9:42 I think Phil Jackson is drunk and Mike Tirico's announcing would actually make this game more interesting. I tried the "just watch the first quarter and try not to judge" approach but this is just bad. Now I'm not going to pretend I'm a huge basketball fan because I'm definitely not, but how Simmons writes 15,000 words on this snoozefest is beyond me.

9:50 After watching the NHL Playoffs religiously, it just really weirds me out that players and coaches put their hands all over the NBA trophy before the Finals even begin. Same thing with the Lombardi trophy when they interview the players for those black-and-white sentimental cut-in segments. Just strange.

9:53 The feed keeps cutting to black every few seconds. Way to go ABC. This is more annoying than trying to watch Game Four in HD at Jon's house with his faulty HD tuner from Wal*Mart (zinger).

9:58 Wish I would have seen what actually happened but the screen went black. Either I can't see what's going on because there are 14 million moving graphics or there's no picture at all. This...is not going well. If anyone wants to try to defend this game to a "first time" NBA viewer, I'm listening.

10:05 According to ABESPN's latest graphic, Kobe still wears #8.

10:11 The new Hulk movie looks seriously under-hyped and might actually be pretty good. Edward Norton in a nutshell.

10:17 Halftime! Thank Jeebus!

10:24 I wish I had a nickel for every time someone said the word "rivalry." Maybe I'd be able to buy a gallon of gas.

10:32 Maybe an ice cream sandwich will make this a more enjoyable experience.

10:35 Nope.

10:39 So Breen, van Gundy and Jackson talk and talk and talk before the second half gets underway and then as soon as the ball is inbounded, they cut to Tafoya for a sideline report? Does this make sense to anyone?

10:50 Apparently Paul Pierce is hurt and I guess they don't have stretchers or wheelchairs in Boston. Four guys just carried a 6'5'' guy (or whatever) off the court. Great advancements in medicine. Looks like more minutes for Rondo!

10:52 And now Perkins is limping. The C's are in trouble if neither come back this game. They're only down by three but things could get ugly fast if they don't keep their composure.

10:53 Ray Allen hits a big three. He won't quit. Still boatloads of time left.

10:55 Paul Pierce returns from the tunnel in dramatic fashion. Crowd is feeling it.

10:58 Tropic Thunder looks hilarious.

10:59 Pierce is back in and they're playing the Rocky theme. Nice touch.

10:07 Got caught on Facebook and reading Mirtle. Apparently Paul Pierce just hit back-to-back three pointers to give the Celtics a four point lead as the third quarter winds down. That's kind of exciting. And your story if Boston wins this game. "Beat LA" chants. I approve.

11:09 East Coast sports writers have got to be heated about making their deadlines. Half of them probably have their story shells written already. "Paul Pierce blah blah blah blah..."

11:19 Just found out that Hockey Night in Canada is most likely going to have a new theme song next year. More on this later.

11:21 There are still nine minutes left but Boston seems to be running away with this one. Finding open looks and making smart plays (like KG's back-court save). And ABESPN cuts to commercial by playing some Boston. I think their new lead singer used to be a plumber or something.

11:24 "Wipe Out" may be the stupidest new show ever. I'd rather watch MXC where they're trying to be funny instead of just pathetic.

11:25 I take that back. Nick Ex-Simpson is hosting the High School Musical version of "American Idol." Is America just getting dumber?

11:31 So I'm sitting here now wondering who would win in a fight: Hancock or The Hulk? Is there a What If Sports for superhero fights that I don't know about? Because now I'm curious. And yes I find this game that bad. I see the drama, I get the emotion, I'm just not feeling it. The game just doesn't have that "sudden death" aspect to it that I really enjoy. Seems like there's too many ways to get back into a game, which could be a good thing, but also makes for a painful game to watch.

11:34 For the record, I HATE the Cha-Cha Slide.

11:44 1:54 left. This is going to be the longest two minutes ever. I can feel it already.

11:46 Everybody loves a good slam dunk. KG delivers.

11:48 In four minutes we've played 53 seconds.

11:51 And just like that there's only 16.6 seconds left. That went by fast (not fast enough though...)

11:51 Annnnnd a commercial. Of course. Because we can't just play out 16.6 seconds or show a meaningful replay. You know, actually let the color guys demonstrate something for us. Jeez.

11:53 Lakers went 5-20 in the fourth quarter. Now there's a stat.

11:53 Celtics win. Pierce will have legendary status by morning. Whoop-de-doo.

11:54 And holy crap I made it. Time to celebrate.


Thanks, Red.

Night everyone!

Everyone Gets a Turn!

I guess in Detroit they even let the homeless take the Cup out for a spin.

Wait, is that Chelios? Well, he contributed about as much as the street people, so...

On Sweet Sauce and a Satisfied Mind

by Ryan

"How many times have you heard someone say
If I had his money I'd do things my way?
But little they know
It's so hard to find
One rich man in ten with a satisfied mind."


Last year it was easy.

It was the matchup of the arch rival and the better team, and there was no question who deserved to win. This year it was all a bit different.

As Game Five was spiraling to a close in the third, I began to think about what I would put here. My mind was filled with mostly jealous thoughts. A crowd celebrating something they have already had this decade. Singing "Don't Stop Believing" seemed almost blasphemous in the eyes of a Sabres fan. It was just... unfair. It always seems that way, I suppose. However, Maxim Talbot cut that celebration short, and all of a sudden we had a few more days to think all this over.

Tonight I didn't think about it at all. Until it was over at least, and even then I didn't invest much thought until now. Somehow, deep down, I was convinced the Penguins would somehow pull it out. Even that very last shot, Crosby pulling off a backhand stronger than my forehand will ever be. It just seemed like it was going to happen against all odds, and I think that was what made it fun.



The Red Wings deserved to win the Stanley Cup, it is just that simple. They are an outstanding defensive team with a great lineup top to bottom, complete with two solid goaltenders. They have the best management in the league, and I'm convinced their GM is a wizard of some sort. All that adds up to a dominating performance on the game's biggest stage, and you can't help but be impressed with how easy it all looked.

The CBC broadcast said something interesting about the Red Wings, something to the effect of "a franchise that measures success only on winning the Stanley Cup." It's a pretty silly statement, what team doesn't start with winning the Cup as the ultimate goal? However, after mulling it over it brought me to another interesting question: what brings a hockey player satisfaction?

It is the moral of that first quote, and something that always comes up when the season ends. We all know that fans have various expectations for a season, but most of them feel like this couple after tonight:



Today 29 fan bases are unsatisfied, as they should be. We all know what it feels like to sit in those seats, or maybe what it's like to run away from them like a felon leaving the scene of a crime. The losing always hurts, but with it comes the hope that one day we get to be like Red Wings fans, celebrating the long summer away.

However, what does it really mean to the players? In a game where so much is discussed; reputations, salaries, legacies, and no trade clauses. Hockey has become a game of UFAs and median payrolls right before our very eyes, and with it comes a new way to look at the game.

While some fans see the game for what it is aesthetically, others see cap figures and looming free agency. Starting today come the questions of where Brooks Orpik will end up. Where does Jagr go? Does Ryan Miller get signed this summer? So many questions will be answered during the long sunny days, but those inquiries are not for today.

Come July 1st, Marian Hossa will be a very rich man. He will sign a contract for a massive amount of money, much of that amount based on what he accomplished this postseason.



Does he have a satisfied mind tonight?

No, and that's what makes the Stanley Cup special. In a game increasingly filled with numbers and revenue streams, at the end of the year there is a set of 30 or so names that go on a little strip of silver. That's it. That's all that matters. Money will come and go, reputations will fade in the minds of even those that care, but there is always going to be your name on that Cup. Forever.

It doesn't "Change Everything", it is everything, and that's why it matters.

Witty Title!

by Ryan

When important things happen, it's always fun to see what pun the big networks decide on using for their headlines. The usual suspects...



The obligatory Swedish response. I expected better from the Canadian WWL.



Uh-oh. Looks like we have a winner.



Pretty sad when the Four Letter ends up being the unique one.

More on this tomorrow.

Finally!

Red Wing for life, that's for sure.

And does anyone know why he was holding up "2" in the team photo instead of the obligatory "1?" Because it's his second Cup? Selfish jerk.

Or because he won all of two games this playoff? Team player.

Anyways, I'm willing to bet this one sure as hell wasn't as sweet as that one in 2002.

I sincerely hope Dom has a safe flight home to the Czech Republic where he will then promptly assault some guy in a roller hockey game.

Am I still bitter? Eh maybe just a little. Going to be a fun offseason...


Update:


Hasek clearly confirms his "douchebag athlete" tag with a hat well outside of the allowable area...

Escape From Motown

by Ryan

About 24 hours ago, the Stanley Cup Finals finally got its defining moment.



In what was already a fantastic game, Maxim Talbot forced overtime with less than 30 seconds to play.



A building getting ready to explode was sent right back to the doldrums with two quick hacks at the left pad of Chris Osgood. It was as if they just announced GM was adding 30,000 new jobs in Michigan, then after the factories were built they moved everything to China.

It's something we've had the misfortune of witnessing in Buffalo, the chance at a Stanley Cup taken right off your doorstep. However, no matter what opinion you have of 1999, we've never been that close to winning it all.

More importantly, the overtime that followed was downright fantastic. Malone takes a shot in the face, Gonchar slamming into the end boards, Malkin wincing with every hit; it was a game that made the message on the shirts ring true: sacrifice. Then, just when you didn't think it would ever end, it happened. With Fleury standing on his head all night long, he finally got his chance to celebrate.



Petr Sykora called his shot, and the Stanley Cup is back in Pittsburgh.



If you are a partisan hockey fan at this juncture, you can't be upset about the results. Complain about officiating, complain about missed opportunities, do whatever you want.

(Note to Terry Frei: If you are going to complain, make sure your copy editors didn't just stop at Sunoco.)


Reasons to complain aside, this Cup Finals has lived up to the hype, at least as much as you possibly can when the league's brightest star and best team go head to head. No matter what happens Wednesday night, the league has already been given its signature moment, a story that hockey fans can tell for years.

Yes, ratings are up (We're back to 2002!) and who knows just how many people flicked over once they knew it was in sudden death overtime; but the important thing is that there is a buzz about hockey that just hasn't been there in some time.

Petr Sykora, one of the best free agent pickups of last summer, has given this year's playoffs something that they haven't had for some time: a story suddenly worth watching.

The NBA Finals don't start until Thursday. Tomorrow, hockey has its night to shine. Mellon Arena will be rocking, and NBC will be the place to be come 8pm. No matter what happens, there is an excitement suddenly injected into the Finals that hasn't been there since... who knows when?



It's a good time to be a hockey fan.

Tiger Woods Doesn't Care About Black Rubber

by Ryan

It's an interesting little story, and one that deserves exactly the word count it got.

"I don't really care. Let's talk about the Dodgers," the California native (Woods) said. "I don't think anybody really watches hockey anymore."

Ouch.

But the improved television ratings for this year's finals doesn't seem to match Woods' assessment.

Now that's all well and good, but caring what Tiger Woods thinks about hockey is like wondering what Joseph Stalin thinks about dancing. Sure, there may be a common interest there, but is he really going to add anything coherent to the discussion?

To conclude, I'd like to give Tiger Woods a heartfelt "whatever", as well as ask him what he thought of Thing 2's stunning comeback on Flavor of Love 3. It just seems like the kinda thing he'd be into.

Syko

On the Brink

by Ryan



Tonight seems to be only a formality. The Red Wings are just too good, and coming home to a great home crowd the team will put on its best performance and finish this series off. As great a season the Penguins have had, the West has been the better conference all along and they have proved such in the Finals.

However, accepting that you are an inferior team can have some positive effects in a head to head match up. When you know you are not better overall, you know what areas to focus on in order to squeak out wins. If you understand where you cannot match up you may actually have a better chance of winning because you know what parts of your game to push. It is a long shot at best, but when you are against the proverbial wall, you go all out.

Pittsburgh was successfully in Game Three when their forecheck caused turnovers, forcing the Wings to make mistakes. As great as Detroit is they are not perfect, and if you put enough effort in that up ice pressure there will be opportunities to capitalize on.

That capitalizing seems to be a problem, though. There are not enough goals from their big time players, and Malkin has looked askew all series. The Penguins were in Game Four the entire 60 minutes, but they missed chances to take back a lead. With nothing left to play for, it's possible those nerves disappear and hockey becomes easier for them.

Then again, the Penguins haven't seen this kind of adversity during the playoffs. Maybe tonight will be last gasp, a final sputter in a great effort from a group of kids. It may not be enough in the end, but all they have to do is get the series back to Pittsburgh. It may not happen, but that's all they have to think about tonight. Dallas got the job done in their Game Five, and they looked far worse than Pittsburgh did at this juncture.

However, if it doesn't happen for the kids, we get to see the coolest trophy in the world.

Moneymobile Shifts to Beast Mode, Injures One

by Ryan


Marshawn Lynch has finally gotten into the swing of being an NFL player, becoming involved in his first criminal activity since he fibbed about those cookies he ate before dinner in 1991.

To be completely honest, I'm completely underwhelmed by the entire incident. This isn't cop punching, this is an investigation about someone getting slightly hurt outside of a bar at 3:30 AM. Ten bucks says she looked/sounded like a dolphin, which would make this even more okay.

Question is, what does a car driven by Marshawn Lynch look like? I really, really hope they release some footage of the "sport utility vehicle", but my expectations are nothing short of spectacular considering how well he treats his own grill.



However, it may never rival the straight up baller-ness that is Lawrence Maroney's Kool Aid Denali, complete with matching bling and construda case.



One can only hope he comes close to that perfection really nice effort.

A Step Above

There are many that say the Red Wings have "that extra gear" that marks a truly great team. Tonight, Detroit showed us that they have that extra gear, as well as the ability to downshift with a lead. It was perfect hockey from an almost perfect team, and no matter what side you are rooting for you have to be impressed by the performance.

Is Monday out of reach for the Pens? Well... I'll get to that later. For now, here's Mark Cuban.



Do with it what you will...