An Appeal to Reason

by Ryan

I'm having a crisis of faith right now.

You see, I've been betrayed. Betrayed by one of my very own. Last night was my first fantasy football draft of the year, and terrible things went down. One of my best friends (for the sake of his safety he will remain nameless), a person I've known for years and attend Sabres games with regularly, committed one of the mortal sins of fantasy football.

He brought his girlfriend to the draft.

Now let me stop here and say that this is not a sexist matter, nor is it about this one girl. For the record, she is a great person and if my nameless, (apparently soul-less) friend is reading, she's a keeper. However, what he did last night just isn't allowed. In fact, this is so not allowed I didn't even think I had to bring it up in order to prevent it.

Look, it's 2008 and I'm a realist. I think women should have equal rights and equal pay and all that good stuff. I even don't have a problem with women playing fantasy football/hockey/baseball and all those typical sexist arguments. However, there are a few places significant others just should not show up. The first of those is a fantasy football draft, and the others aren't important enough to bring up at this point in time.

Fantasy football may not matter to some people (Wilbon), but for a lot of guys it is the only "hobby" they have. This is the 21st Century, there aren't many secret societies floating around that you can join. Bringing your girlfriend to a draft is like taking the town drunk and your dog Skippy to a Freemasons meeting back in the day. It seems pretty obvious that it's not an "open invitation" kind of thing.

Why is this is big deal, you ask. Why not just let significant others/spouses show up to drafts? Just picture the scene in your head for a moment. A guy misses out on the QB he pegged. He curses, and that is immediately followed by an "Awwwwwwww" and a back rub.

This. Happened.

I couldn't even comprehend the fact that it was happening, and before you know it Yahoo's servers crapped out on us and the last four rounds were auto picked. Yes, I blame her. The servers smelled the menstruation, and put our whole draft board at risk. I'm pretty sure I heard a bear in my backyard, too.

I... I don't even know what to do. I guess what I'm looking for is a confirmation that I'm not crazy. That is the rule, right? No girlfriends. I didn't just make that up in my head, right? Has anyone had to deal with this before? Should there be some form of punishment?

I need to lie down before the alien bursts out of my chest and hunts him down. Good grief.