Chronic Rewind

By Chris

So how was that Sabres game tonight? You know, the one against St. Louis? Hold on a second, what do you mean they lost? What, did you actually watch the whole game? Cause as far as I know they won, 2-1.

You see, I'm really living in 1996. See, I was out for most of the night and I decided to play every sports addict's favorite game "I'm Watching the Game on Tape Delay So Don't Ruin it for Me Hosted by Richard Karn." No text message updates, no asking around for the score, nothing. I was in the dark, on the lam like the Sarah and John Connor at the end of Terminator 2. And things were going great. I didn't know a thing about the game and I was fine with it.

We went to go pick up a pizza on the way home and I stayed in the car, radio off, of course. I didn't even glance at the TV inside, by chance they would go into a commercial and they would show the score in big billboard-size letters before hitting us over the head with the swearing deer.

My dad ran in and checked the game on the TV inside for himself (he's not as crazy bout this stuff as me or my brother are). He came back, pizza in hand and tried to rile me up. "I know what the score is," he said in his third grade voice. Granted, this is the same guy who once blamed Miller for letting in a goal because he thinks his hair is too long. Needless to say, I didn't bite. I usually win at this game, like Roger Federer, Bobby Fischer, or the creepy guy in those Scrabble tournaments on ESPN who looks like he stepped out of a 1970's sitcom.

So I walk into the house and have my brother check to see how much time is left in the game (he's not as crazy about this stuff as I am). Then I heard it.

"Ummm...Chris? The VCR says three seconds and it's not moving."

Yes that's right. The VCR. The Videocassette Recorder, which you use by inserting big black boxes with film inside (called VHS tapes, or Video Home System tapes according to Wikipedia) so that you can record television shows. Except this Video home system wasn't recording the television show anymore.

Apparently in my house we only buy tapes that only last two hours. Or in this case, two hours, three minutes, and 46 seconds. Then I guess the VCR stops and rewinds itself to the beginning. Or three seconds in. Whichever comes first, I guess.

My brother told me the game was over now, but since my dreams had already been deferred, I didn't care if I knew what the final score was anymore. Naturally, the tape cut out during some stupid Geico commercial during the intermission.

I hope it was a great third period, because I'll never see the entire thing. Sure there are the ten second highlight clips on SportsCenter (maybe 12 seconds if Bucci is anchoring), but how will I ever know how many times Afinogenov drew his line mates offsides, or how many passes Sekera fanned on, or how many hits Pominville dodged?

Remember "Second Shift," when Empire would replay that night's game with limited commercials at midnight? Yeah, MSG doesn't do that. Miss it once, shame on you. Miss it twice--well you don't even get that chance. Nine more years of MSG! Wahoo! At least Quinn and Co. locked something up.

So the Sabres won 2-1 tonight. At least that's how it is in my own little world right now, standings be damned. And I've decided to splurge on the DVR feature, giving more blood money to Time Warner. I don't have the NHL Network on my digital cable package, but at least I'll be able to see the game I want, uninterrupted.

Merry Christmas to me.