Screw You, Michael Gaines

by Ryan

I've been waiting for some time to write this, but for some reason today just felt right.



Screw you, Michael Gaines.



Yeah, you look pretty cool there; but that's just a first down. Then again, after all those drops I'd be pretty excited that I finally caught one, too.

Seriously, you have the worst hands I've ever seen in my entire life. That includes a lot of high school football games, and watching the Syracuse Orange slug through the last few years. What I'm getting at is that I've seen a lot of crappy football, but you are the best at sucking very, very hard.

The NFL doesn't officially record dropped passes, but if they did you would lead the league without a doubt.



He's not upset that you suck, he just wants to be first in something. I'm the one mad that you suck.

A few standout performances in high school dodgeball matches prove to me that I have better hands than you. Heck, paraplegics have better hands than you do. Luke Skywalker has better hand(s) than you do. Jesus, German Shepperds have better hands than you do.



Guess what he did with this one?

And don't think I'm just focused on you, I freaking hate Robert Royal too. Still, you are the one that was over-the-top craptastic all year. That drop in Cleveland almost put me in a coma. You remember that pass up the seam? Nothing but daylight in front of you but somehow you didn't have the mind to catch the tying touchdown pass. You f--king suck, you clown. Thank God I can't find a picture of that play or I'd relapse and do terrible, terrible things to The Stress Buffalo.



Hang in there, buddy.

If I have a wish list for this offseason my requests to our GM by Committee (Oh no! Not another co-op!) are the following:

1) Draft a TE with hands
2) Trade Michael Gaines to the CFL Stampeders for three oxen, a goat, and four loonies.

I think that's more then fair. Enjoy Calgary, you putz.